I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
