you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
