I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dignity is for republicans.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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