just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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