she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
