I need help removing her.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
