Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
