I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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