He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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