but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
