god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
