she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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