It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
