I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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