i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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