so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
