oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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