Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
