Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
