So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
