Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
