i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
