I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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