I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
In America we eat man semen.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My penis needs a shock collar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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