Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this boner is exhausting
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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