just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
