I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
