I just cut my nipple shaving
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
