At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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