Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
