haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
