My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My room smells like vodka and shame
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dignity is for republicans.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
