I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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