Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
