I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
