Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
