Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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