Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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