I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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