Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
