Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
