he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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