I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
