I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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