I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
