I love black thongs
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
