Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
