i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
