Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
