I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
