so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
