If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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