I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
