I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
